ARE YOU AT THE FRONT OF YOUR OWN LINE
OR IN BACK BEHIND EVERYONE ELSE?
Recently, I was asked to share my story of transformation. On the surface, it is a story of physical healing and the basic emotional growth that takes place when one undergoes a physical healing process. On a deeper level and at it's core, my story is actually one of putting myself first and adopting Self Love. It is a story of seizing the life I knew I was meant to have, of taking back control of my destiny and learning to love myself first and always.
When my clients first start working with me, some of them desire a quick fix and a plan to get from A to Z. Many people want me to tell them what to do. While we can create the most comprehensive "plan", it is irrelevant if you aren't willing or ready to put your dreams first and take the steps to make them a reality for yourself. You can go to healers, coaches, gurus, enlightened teachers and mentors. But if you aren't willing to love yourself through the transformative process then the healing and growth won't occur. Only you can evolve yourself.
Each of us is worth it. Each of us deserves all the good in the world and each of us can conquer those obstacles that feel insurmountable. The trick to following your transformative path begins with SELF LOVE. It starts with putting yourself and your dreams FIRST, even though it might be scary.
PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST. NOT KIND OF FIRST. REALLY FIRST.
In my own story, I realized that in order to heal my body and create the life that I TRULY wanted, I had to put myself first. I mean really first - before EVERYONE and EVERYTHING else that I knew. EVERYONE and EVERYTHING: My clients who provided my income. My sister who was going through a life-altering divorce at the exact same time that my health issues hit and needed my support. My parents who needed me to explain my symptoms. My girlfriends who needed a friend to listen. My work community that required me to network regularly to remain successful. My social plans that kept my calendar full and exciting. The men who wanted to date the fun, outgoing version of me that I no longer resonated with being.
I had to put myself and my dream life first. The real me. The me that always knew I was destined for greatness. The me that knew I would marry the right partner. The me that came here to fulfill a purpose and make an impact. The me that at that time resided in a body that was struggling with relentless fatigue, digestive and immune issues. The me that needed time out to rest and recharge.
Putting myself first required great honesty with myself. First I had to admit that I actually had needs. Then I had to swallow the fact that if I didn't address these needs that my health and life would suffer. I would remain in a mediocre place of life being good rather than glorious. Then I needed to accept my needs as valid and I had to practice not judging myself for having needs. Then I needed to communicate these needs and boundaries to other people. I had to learn to receive support from people. And finally (and most importantly), I had to let go of needing to please everyone else. I had to let go of needing to be perfect. I had to let go of the fear that others would be un-fixably disappointed or damaged if I put myself first.
AFRAID OF BEING SELFISH
Many people, especially women, are afraid to put themselves first. Society labels this as "selfish". We are fed the story that in order to be generous, kind, loving and connected to our loved ones, we must be self less. There is a common fear that we will disappoint others if we tell them no or not right now, if we put our own needs first. We are so afraid that others will be mad at us if we do what makes us happy, if we speak our truth, if we have boundaries and practice self love. We are so afraid of what we might loose by putting ourselves first that we don't even consider how we actually feel or what we truly want in the first place.
The problem with this is that it keeps us from becoming our full, true selves. We become tired, resentful, lazy, needy and unable to give to others the way they actually deserve. However when we put ourselves first and voice our needs, it allows us to recharge our tanks, to be happy and full. From that place our capacity for others increases exponentially and we can actually give generously and thoughtfully.
WE GAIN MORE THAN WE LOOSE
At first it can feel counter-intuitive to put yourself first but over time you'll gain so much more than you're afraid of loosing. I have a client who was focused on being a good provider to his family. His initial assumption was that he couldn't properly provide for them if he followed his dream career so he remained stuck in mediocracy until he couldn't take it any longer. As we worked on developing and actualizing his dreams over time, he began to see how much more he provided for his family once he was aligned with his life's purpose and making that a priority in his life. Not only was he able to provide financially for his family, but he became a wiser, calmer, more supportive and engaged husband and father. That is priceless!
Personally, by putting myself first, I gained my dream life. Seriously. Looking back, I now laugh at what I was afraid to loose because those things are so out of alignment with my truth and dreams. They were simply familiar and that's why I was afraid to let them go. Turns out that I didn't love my old career and when I chose instead to follow my passion, I finally became deeply fulfilled and financially successful. Turns out that the honest, difficult conversations between my sister and I served as an opportunity to share ourselves fully and become very close and accepting of one another. Turns out that some of my old acquaintances and colleagues didn't interest me to begin with and when I admitted that I was finally able to create deeper connections with others. Turns out that the men I was afraid to disappoint by being the real me weren't actually conscious or grounded enough to be potential life partners for me anyways. They certainly didn't embody the qualities that my life partner so naturally does. Wow! Wow! See how much can open up for you when you start putting yourself first?
WHAT DO YOU NEED?
So, what do you need to be honest with yourself about? What needs do you have that are begging for your attention? What type of self care are you in need of? What might you gain if you put yourself and your dreams first? What tanks might fill up by taking the risk to make putting yourself first a priority?
Consider this: how might your genuine capacity and generosity for others expand if your tanks were actually full, if you truly came alive by putting yourself first?
PUT YOUR OXYGEN MASK ON FIRST
Putting yourself first is an act of self love and a generous, loving act towards others. It creates room for inspiration and ideas as well as energy to execute on them. It creates space to listen and hear others' opinions. It creates capacity to make a positive impact on others. Putting yourself first doesn't mean ignoring your children, your partner, your friends or clients. It means that you respect yourself enough to love yourself as much as you love them. It means that you prioritize showing up as the best version of yourself for them. It means enforcing boundaries so that you can tend to your own needs in addition to tending to others. Self love is an act of surrendering to our true selves and to our basic needs. It is an act of open-ness and receiving support from the right people on our journey.
Think about the emergency precautions speech that is given every time you take a flight. We are reminded to put our oxygen mask on first before putting it on someone else in need. Here are a few tricks to help you start putting yourself first so you can be happy, aligned and positively generous with others.
1. LISTEN TO THE WHISPER.
Honor your inner whisper by giving it your full attention and promising to follow it. Often times it is a very quiet voice inside that tells to us what we need or what feels right. Practice listening to that voice and identifying what you truly need in any given situation.
2. SPEAK UP.
Once we identify our needs, we must learn to communicate them. Otherwise change won't happen. Practice speaking your truth completely honestly and saying no when you need to. No doesn't mean never, it more likely means just not right now. Be grateful when declining invitations or setting boundaries. Let people know that you will be happy to oblige once your tanks are refueled. Answer questions truthfully, take a risk to say what you really think or feel. Ask for help. See what opens up for you.
3. SMALL DOSES WORK WONDERS.
Often times people won't put themselves first because they believe they don't have the time. I see this with mothers who over extend themselves regularly. People believe that they don't have time to rest, paint, sing, go for a walk or take a break. That's simply not true! Feel free to read my article on how you must make the time for pleasure HERE. A simple 5 - 15 minutes can make all the difference. Sit in your car for 5 minutes and meditate before picking up your kids. Paint for 10 minutes before you head out the door. Take a 15 minute power nap. Walk around the block. It is unrealistic to wait for everything to be perfect before putting yourself first.
I invite you to take the risk of putting yourself first. See if you can do so in the most loving way to yourself and others. See what tanks of yours become full and how your capacity for others increases by doing so.
Please share your comments! I would love to hear what shifts for you once you allow yourself yourself to step to the front of the line. Enjoy!
Shine On,
Rony
WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN SAVE OURSELVES.
Inevitably on the path of transformation and self-actualization, there comes a moment when we feel as though we are totally alone. We long for someone to fix us, to tell us what we need to do, to share "the" secret with us and yet somehow that doesn't seem to fix things.
While this may feel like an excruciatingly lonely or frustrating time, it is actually one of the most magical, special moments on the path to awakening to your true self. For this is the moment when you get to be completely and utterly with yourself. You have the gift, the opportunity and the choice as to whether or not you will keep walking forward with yourself and ultimately develop a deeper relationship with your true self. It is critical to have support on the path - from community, teachers, healers, coaches, friends and family (biological or otherwise). And yet, none of those people can save us. We are the only ones who can truly save ourselves. We are the ones who get to choose if we will love ourselves and practice self compassion as we let ourselves emerge or if we will reside in a mindset of despair, frustration and defeat. We are the ones who decide if we will rise up from the ashes and ask for help and if we will keep moving towards our dreams when help does not arrive.
I invite you to see this moment as the biggest gift the Universe has ever given you. Seize it as your opportunity to take a stand for yourself and to commit to doing what ever it takes to actualize who you truly are in this life. I promise you that as soon as you accept that you are on this journey by yourself and for yourself, that things will shift. The right support systems and cheer leaders will emerge. The fog will begin to clear and your path to deep fulfillment, purpose, joy and authentic self expression will become illuminated step by step.
You are a perfect human being who is creative, resourceful and whole in your most natural state and at this very moment. Trust the whisper inside you. Trust your abilities. Trust that as you keep evolving you will experience the great abundance, love and magic of this world more and more. Below is one of my favorite poems by the great poet Mary Oliver. I am inspired to share it with you so that it may support you in moving forward on YOUR path no matter what.
Shine On,
Rony
The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.
~ Mary Oliver ~
 BY SAYING "NO" TO ONE THING,
WE SAY "YES" TO ANOTHER
Most everybody I speak to struggles with enforcing boundaries in their life or putting their own needs first. In an effort to go with the flow, keep the peace, make a good living, be in a relationship, etc. many people opt to keep the status quo instead of going for their dreams. There is a fear of upsetting other people, disappointing them, inconveniencing others, failing or not being understood. So, we suffer. We remain stuck in the mediocracy of life feeling overwhelmed, settling for good enough instead of phenomenal and becoming resentful and burnt out.
This is no way to live. Yet many of us are all too familiar with what it's like when we are afraid to say no to others. More so, many of us are familiar with what it's like to feel stuck in a job, relationship, social circles, etc. that simply don't fulfill us. Have you ever been afraid to leave the familiarity of your unsatisfying relationship out of fear that a better guy/gal won't come along? Have you ever been afraid to leave the golden handcuffs of your corporate job out of fear that your dream career might leave you penniless? Living this way is allowing fear to dominate your life. It simply won't work long term.
STUCK IN FEAR'S GRIP
As long as you are afraid to let go of the things that no longer serve you because you fear something better might not come along, you will remain stuck. In essence, you will be committing to the very things you don't want. For example, if you are saying yes to continually working non stop, you are essentially saying no to having time for yourself or having time for a loving, balanced relationship. If you are saying yes to being taken advantage of, you are essentially saying no to participating in empowered, respectful relationships with others. While saying NO can be scary and uncomfortable, it is imperative to say NO to those people and things that no longer serve you if you want to live a happy, fulfilled, purposeful and healthy life.
CONSIDER A REFRAME
I'd like to offer a reframe on saying NO. Consider that every time you say NO to one thing, you are effectively saying YES to something else. Think about saying NO as a new way to say YES to what you're truly after. For example: When you say NO to wearing a skirt, you are saying YES to wearing pants. When you say NO to processed foods, you are saying YES to increased energy, vitality and overall well-being. Here are some powerful examples to consider:
* When you say NO to settling for crumbs in your relationship, you are saying YES to committing to TRUE, authentic partnership in which you can be loved, adored, honored and respected.
* When you say NO more to feeling suffocated by your lucrative 9-5 job that bores you to death, you are saying YES to living in alignment with your true purpose and calling. You are saying YES to having an impact in the world simply by being happy and offering your value from that place.
* When you say NO to being last on your list of priorities, you are saying YES to filling up your tanks so that you can actually be present and generous around family, friends and co-workers.
* When you say NO to over-giving to family and friends, you are saying YES to being respected by others and to creating important balance and structure in your life.
* When you say NO to speaking dishonestly out of fear of disappointing others, you are saying YES to expressing yourself truthfully therefore creating the opportunity for deep understanding, appreciation and growth in your relationships.
* When you say NO to going to every social engagement you are invited to because you are too tired, you are saying YES to resting your body and giving yourself the downtime or breathing room you need.
READY TO SAY YES?
So.... what and who are you ready to say NO to? More importantly, what are you ready to SAY YES to? This is your life. This is your time. In order to be truly happy and healthy the way you long to be, you must be willing to SAY YES to your ultimate life. YES to who you really are. YES to the abundance, love, connection, freedom, authenticity and purpose you desire. You must be willing to take the risk of saying NO.
I invite you to take a risk TODAY and say NO to something that is no longer serving you. It is no one else's fault. People take advantage of us because we allow them to. Our lives become tedious and meaningless because we let them get this way. This world needs you to come alive. This world needs you to start saying YES to YOU by saying NO to others. There simply is no more room for settling.
NO IS ACTUALLY A GIFT
Saying NO does not have to be mean or rude. You can politely say no to someone's offer by saying "No, thank you". Or, "Thank you so much for thinking of me. It doesn't fit with my schedule but I appreciate the offer." Saying NO to social plans so that you can restore your tanks creates a version of you that will have greater capacity and compassion for others. Our world will be positively impacted by the version of you who has boundaries. For it is this version of you that will simply and graciously demand respect from others. It is this version of you who inspire others by serving as an example of someone who practices self care, boundaries, generosity and appreciation of others. Begin to notice how saying NO is actually a gift to the people around you and to our world. Notice how you show up when you are actually happy and at full capacity to generously engage with others. Notice your productivity levels and your compassion.
NO APOLOGIES
You do not need to apologize for saying no or give numerous reasons that justify your "NO"-ness to others. Simply practice saying NO as gently and graciously as you can. Practice with the waiter who offers you more water when you don't want any. Simply say: "No, thank you". Practice with the person who wants to schedule something at a time that is inconvenient for you. Simply say: "I'd love to get together however that time doesn't work. These are the times that work for me". See what opens up for you.
THIS IS A BIG DEAL
This is a big deal. In our society we are trained that NO is a bad thing. We get really good at saying YES to everything, even those things we don't want. This is especially true for women. When I learned to say NO it changed my life. It freed me up to heal my body, find my life's purpose, recognize the love of my life and deepen my relationships with family and friends. It allowed me to clear out all of those things that were weighing me down and to create tremendous joy and freedom in my life that I am truly grateful for.
I invite you to do the same. Please share what you are ready to SAY NO and YES to in the comments area. Let's start a movement! Let's SAY YES by saying NO! I very much look forward to hearing what you're ready for and to supporting you on your journey towards living your ultimate life. You deserve it.
Shine On,
Rony
When you re-invent yourself through conscious inner work and by taking responsibility for your life, things begin to shift. First there are internal shifts such as a deeper sense of inner peace, freedom or clarity and then external shifts start to take place such as meeting inspiring people who support your path or understanding how you can finally move on from that thing/person who has been holding you back. More than anything, as we begin to live in alignment with our values, the purest form of who we are begins to emerge. I experienced this first hand and continue to feel it deepening as I refine and embody my truth more over time. I see it in clients who begin to identify their core values and put themselves first, out-growing old patterns and discarding sabotaging illusions. I see it when we remove processed foods and toxins from the body and allow our body to be nourished by clean, whole foods - a pureness and power is created on a physical level. We return home to our truest selves. Life becomes rich. I am inspired to share one of my favorite poems with you that poetically describes how it feels to SEE YOURSELF, the TRUE YOU once again or maybe for the first time ever. It is called Love After Love.
Inviting all of you to feast on your life and to join me on this magical journey of living as the TRUE YOU.
Shine On,
Rony | |
LOVE AFTER LOVE
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
By Derek Walcott
|
ENJOYING THE VIEW FROM THE TOP
Often as a coach, I hear people struggle with how much further they have to go until they get "there". During a process of growth and transformation it is natural to have your eye on the prize and it is critical in keeping you on the right path. Yet considering life in the context of an end result can be overwhelming and defeating. Instead of focusing on the final outcome, what if we gave ourselves permission to celebrate our successes along the way?
A WONDERFUL MOMENT ON MY PATH
Yesterday I reached my own personal pinnacle on this journey of living my truth. I had some powerful A-Ha's that brought great clarity and provided a sense of contentment as well as pride for all of the work I've done to get me to where I am today. To celebrate, I hiked to the top of Mount Tamalpais roughly 30 minutes north of San Francisco and basked in the magnificence of what it meant to "reach the top". This picture doesn't do the view justice. It was a 360 degree view of the entire San Francisco Bay, the Pacific Ocean, the mountains, the trees, the coastal fog and city's structures. It was simply breath taking to stand in nature, experience the wind in my face and feel the vastness of possibility before me. I literally felt on top of the world. I allowed myself to celebrate this moment in time.
GIVING YOURSELF A NECK CRAMP
Why is it that we forget to celebrate the little pinnacles we reach along our journey? We can become so focused on the ultimate result that we overlook the triumphs we are experiencing on a daily basis. The truth is that there is always further to go. Once we reach one peak, we are exposed to the next. Just as a baby wants to run once it has mastered walking, we too can always see the next opportunity before us. Imagine if you were hiking up a mountain this way though. If your gaze was always up, you would likely trip (or give yourself a neck cramp!). While it is critical to have a clear vision of where you are headed, it is also important to fully appreciate where you are right now.
INVITATION TO CELEBRATE
I invite you to celebrate yourself, your achievements, both big and small up until now. Celebrate all of the wonderful things in your life at this very moment. Honor the internal work you have done to become more authentic, to speak what is true for you, to risk for the sake of being happier. Pat yourself on the back for the times when you fell but got up again anyways; for the things you have outgrown, the new habits you've created and for the people you have forgiven, including yourself. Celebrate how you have changed and who you are now becoming. You don't have to wait until you are at the top of Mount Everest. We climb little mountains of magnificence every day of our lives.
ENJOYING THE VIEW AT THE TOP
Allow yourself to recognize that at this moment you are at the top of a mountain. It may not be the tallest mountain peak on earth, but it's certainly higher than where you were in the past. Bask in the glory of the view from up here. What have you overcome? What has made you stronger... or softer, more open or aware? Look out and see what's possible from here. Soak it all in. If you live in a place where you can go for a hike, I invite you to climb a small mountain to symbolize reaching your successes. Once you get to the top, take a moment to feel it all and congratulate yourself!
I'd love to hear what mountains you've climbed recently and how you are celebrating your efforts! Feel free to share your comments below.
Shine On,
Rony
Buddha said: “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF AS MUCH AS YOU LOVE EVERYONE ELSE?
Valentines Day.... the holiday of LOVE. The holiday that celebrates lovebirds, chocolate, roses and relationship. For some this is a dreaded holiday where the mindset of comparison and lack suffocate any potentially positive experiences. For others, it is a time to truly be grateful for the precious, bountiful love shared with another and to celebrate the blessing of romantic partnership through expressing love.
As we experience the LOVE holiday today, I am intrigued to explore another important avenue of love; quite possibly the most important loving relationship we will ever have: the one with ourselves. What if we took all of the energy that is funneled into Valentine's Day and focused it on loving ourselves more?
What if we gave ourselves permission to practice SELF LOVE as much as we practice loving others?
WHAT IS SELF LOVE?
Self love is at the heart of all growth and healing. It is at the core of human potential. For when self love is cultivated and allowed to blossom, the stage is set for experiencing the fullness of life and for extending natural, generous love towards others. We heal ourselves and therefore the planet through self love. It is our love for ourselves that inspires a desire for a better experience of our bodies and our lives. It is love of self that has us take responsibility for ourselves, motivates change and fortifies our commitment to our dreams, resiliency and joy. It is love of self that whispers to us to move beyond our self-sabotaging patterns and limiting beliefs and to choose instead the route that is in the best interest of everyone involved. It is self love that serves as the spring-board towards shedding our old identity and EMBODYING our new one.
Self love means loving yourself even in comparison to others. Self love means having self respect and enforcing boundaries that cultivate your highest good. Self love means having the courage to put yourself first, even though you are afraid others may be disappointed, so that you can refuel your tanks and actually increase your capacity for others. Self love means accepting all of who you are - the good, the bad, the radiant and the not so radiant parts of your body and your personality. Self love means identifying your core values and then going out and actually living your life in alignment with those things that are most important to you. It means seeing self care as generous, not selfish. Self love means spending time with those people who support you and light you up and having the courage to gently let go of those relationships that are toxic and draining to you.
WHAT DOES SELF-LOVE CREATE?
When our self-love tanks become full, we begin to heal - emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. We begin to develop the graceful ability to sit with all of who we are and be whole. From there we become vulnerable, brave, loving and open. Life becomes juicy. Others now enhance our internal happiness as opposed to being the false source of happiness that we cling to. When we consciously fill our self-love tanks, we begin to build the muscle of positivity, attractiveness, alignment, inner peace and authentic empowerment. We develop courage, compassion, freedom and fulfillment. It is like tending to the soil of a great tree. When we water and nurture the soil, the roots will be vibrant, the trunk will grow strong and the leaves will come alive with brilliant colors of green and red.
So on this holiday dedicated to love, I ask you: How can you love yourself more? What would your love-life look like if you loved yourself too? How can you fill your self-love tanks?
Here are some TIPS for creating more self-love in your life:
MIRROR EXERCISE
Stand in front of the mirror (preferably naked!) and take a look at yourself. You may notice some critical thoughts enter your mind immediately about your body. If you need to, spend 30 seconds being critical. Get it out of the way. Then.... take a couple of long, deep breaths. Look into your own eyes and proclaim out loud to yourself: "I love you. I really love you.". You may repeat this a few times if you like. Then begin to shower your body with love. Speak lovingly to each part of your body that you see. Say out loud: "I love you eyes". "I love you ears; thank you for letting me hear such beautiful, loving statements". "I love you arms, you are strong". "I love you thighs, you are feminine and sultry". Notice what shifts. Do this every day for 3 weeks and see what changes for you.
LOVE LIST
Take a blank piece of paper and for 10 minutes write down all the things that you love about yourself. They can be significant or tiny. See if you can reach up to 20 things or more. For example: I love that I love my family. I love my dorky sense of humor. I love my ability to fix things around the house. I love my voice. I love my willingness to try new things.
LOVE IN ACTION
What is 1 new way that you can demonstrate self love today? Perhaps it is through speaking authentically or standing up for yourself. Perhaps you can open up to someone and practice being vulnerable. Maybe you can treat yourself to a rejuvenating night at home with an epsom salt bath and a good movie. Practice building your muscle of self love in daily life and see what opens up for you in your life.
Our world needs the version of you that is practicing self love. Your children need it, your spouse needs it, your friends and family need it. The people who you are going to inspire need it. Give yourself permission to become whole by loving your self more. Practice loving others and receiving love on this special day from the place of fullness that self-love brings. May your love cup spillith over.
Here's to love! May it flow deeply through you and may it help your light shine bright.
I'd love to hear your comments. What do you love about yourself?
Shine on,
Rony
 WHAT DOES YOUR DREAM LIFE LOOK LIKE?In our society we tend to throw around the phrase "life of your dreams" pretty casually, to the point where it has become cliche and quite cheesy. But think about those words for a moment: Life Of Your Dreams. Wow. What if you could really live a life so truly rewarding that it felt like you were living your dreams over and over again? What if you could actually have boundless energy, vibrant health, deep fulfillment, inner peace, money, love and purpose? Many think this is unrealistic. I'm here to assure you that it is absolutely possible to create this and then some.
THE QUESTIONAre your decisions helping you live the life of your dreams or are they holding you hostage in your own self-imposed prison? The choices we make greatly affect the life we live. This seems obvious, yet most of us don't realize the power that we have to create the life we truly want. When we have vision around who we want to become and start choosing in alignment with that then everything changes. Where do you currently reside? MY STORYSeveral years ago, I thought that good enough was as good as it got. I thought that because I excelled at my career, worked hard, had fun and made good money that I was on track. I thought that because I was thin and worked out regularly that I was healthy. I thought that one day my husband would appear so long as I cast a net wide enough to catch him. My life was good. And yet, it wasn't my DREAM LIFE. Something felt off deep down inside. I was over-extended and tired, my job lacked meaning and I was stuck on the perpetual dating treadmill. I wasn't living on purpose. I wasn't realizing the ripple effect of my choices in terms of how they were building my life and future. It wasn't until I experienced some powerful wake-up calls in the form of major body-wide health breakdowns that I began to see the role I was playing in living a wonderful, mediocre life. As I began to work with coaches and healers, I was able to identify what my ultimate life and health truly consisted of. I clearly defined my dream life and realized that I could create it, slowly but surely. I explored what it truly meant to be a woman who embodied total wellness. I got clear about what I wanted to contribute in my life's work and experience in a loving partnership. DREAMING BIGWhen we allow ourselves to dream big it helps us expand beyond our current situation. It allows us to see how we can take responsibility for our lives and what we have to change in order to have something different. If we don't change how we are choosing throughout the day, then things simply won't change. We will remain stuck in a self-imposed prison. As Albert Einstein said: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results". In order to get different results, we must understand where we'd like to go and make choices that will take us there. It might be scary, but change is required if we want something more. So.... What does YOUR DREAM LIFE look like? If you had all the money in the world; if you knew you could not fail; if anything were possible; if your health was fantastic, who would you be? How would you act? What would you be doing with your body, your money, your energy, your love, your purpose and career? What would you express and contribute? How would you spend your free time? Who would be supporting you? Where would you be doing all of this and why? I encourage you to become very clear on your answers to these questions. Play with it, dive into it, get curious and be bold. Stretch your imagination further than you think is possible. DREAM REALLY BIG. REALLY REALLY BIG. THE GOLDEN KEYBecome clear on this vision of your Future Self and then.... here is the golden key to your success.... start choosing as if you were your Future Self now. I'll say that again: Start choosing as if you were your Future Self at this very moment. For example: if your Future Self is 40 pounds thinner, confident and enjoying yoga regularly then what choices would that person make when faced with a donut today? How would that person be spending their time today? How often would that person be doing yoga this week? What would that person trust about themselves in this very moment? What would their posture be like throughout the day? How would they communicate? After envisioning, we must get into action in order to create a change. We must become our dream selves now if we want to move forward in the direction of creating our dreams. You can even choose your response to this Dream Big exercise. Are you going to allow yourself to criticize and punish yourself for not living your dream life now? Or are you going to choose to be inspired and simply make a different choice today that will propel you towards your vision? HELPFUL TIPPost a reminder note on your bathroom mirror where you will see it every day. This note should remind you to choose in alignment with your future self. For example: * As a woman who embodies total wellness, I choose to: _______________________ * As a triathlete who spends his free time exercising outdoors, I choose to: _________________________ * As a woman who loves herself deeply and therefore attracts in a loving mate, I choose to: ________________________ * As a man who is working in a profession that he loves, I choose to: ______________________________ * As a retired man who travels the world with his wife, I choose to: ___________________________ In my Individual Coaching programs we work on refining who your Future Self is, what your dream life entails and how you can create it in a supported, empowered way. Contact me to learn more about how coaching can help you to change your life. Dreaming BIG can only help us. What hurts us is when we remain too entangled in fear and worry to act on turning our dreams a reality one choice at a time. I invite you to take the leap of faith and see what happens! Your dream life is waiting for you and it's worth going for it! I welcome your comments and invite you to share some fun facts about who your Future Self is! Shine on, Rony
THE BIG TURNING OF 2012: EMBODYING YOUR TRUTH AND SHINING YOUR LIGHT  I learn as much from my clients as they do from me. Today one of my clients inspired me to write about something I believe in deeply: embodying our truth and shining our light.
According to the Mayan Calendar, 2012 has long been regarded as the year the world would end. Many of us however are experiencing something substantially more uplifting than the apocalypse. We are feeling a larger calling to a greater way of being. We are feeling the energy of this year already as alive, illuminated, important and palpable. We are ready to take a stand, express ourselves, up the anti, trust the Universe and simply allow our access to Spirit to move through us.
Last year brought economic distress, natural disaster and upheaval. The global uprisings and Occupy movements of 2011 proved that as a people we are ready for change. We have begun to shed layers that no longer serve the human race or our planet. The decay and destruction of some of our most fundamental systems is making room for the light to emerge and for change to come. This light is what we feel. This greater way of being is the whisper we are hearing and are beginning to follow. The spiritual communities and gurus are referring to 2012 as "The Great Turning". It is our time to become who we are truly meant to be. It is our time to choose love over fear. It is our time to give energy to positive thoughts and dialogue over gossip and victim mentality. It is our time to honor the earth, return to nature's cycles and our body's intuitive wisdom as our ultimate guides on this journey.
By allowing ourselves to become conscious, aware and still we are able to hear our inner truth. By allowing ourselves to act and speak authentically and lovingly, our truth begins to emerge and create a ripple effect. By letting our light shine we contribute to the greater, glorious, inexplainable cosmic light and life force energy of our Universe. We become carriers of this light.
As 2012 begins, I invite you to let your light shine. I invite you to take responsibility for the perspective you choose to hold about your circumstances. I invite you to speak honestly and act authentically. I invite you to risk and shed what no longer serves you. I invite you to love yourself and open to vulnerability. The potential greatness of our world depends on you doing this. By shining your light you give others permission to the same and you contribute to the global, human, Universal positive change that is occurring.
In closing, I'd like to share one of my favorite quotes with you. May it inspire you and may your light shine gloriously bright over the course of this year and beyond!
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson
I welcome your comments.
Shine On,
Rony
 BY COMPARISON
Think about a time when you felt really proud of yourself. A time when you loved and accepted yourself and were aware of your own growth and worth. Perhaps a time when you finally managed to get into the groove of practicing a healthy habit on a daily basis, or a time when you met a fear head-on and proved to yourself that you can do anything. It is times like these that we feel aligned, purposeful and confident. We can take a deep breath, sigh and just be in awe of our lives. And then….. when we least expect it…. it happens…. we do it….. we compare ourselves! We compare ourselves to the person at the gym, on the street, in our class, at our work, in our community, in our family or to a teacher. We conclude that this person is better than us because they are thinner, taller, smarter, more successful, more vocal, wittier, classier, more stylish, more spiritual, more grounded, wiser, richer, in a relationship, married, courageously divorced, healthier, stronger, more experienced, more fearless, quirkier, the list goes on and on. What happens to us in these moments of comparison? They can last as long as 5 seconds and yet they allow our inner critic to have a field day. We go from feeling proud of ourselves, loving ourselves, confident, faithful and inspired to feeling worthless, judgmental, not good enough or unlovable in some way. It is the perpetual dangling carrot that never goes away. It feels like no matter how much progress we make, by comparison, somehow we come up short. Now stop right here. Because this isn’t really true. Don’t read it as true. Don’t convince yourself that you aren’t of value because you spotted “more” value in someone else. You are perfect and exactly where you need to be in this very moment of your life. You are of worth, you have innate gifts and beauty that you contribute to this world. In fact, I would bet that someone is comparing themself to you right now. Ask yourself: What part of me is trying to convince me that I am not good enough? Most likely it is a part of you that is trying to gain evidence to strengthen some false beliefs that you’ve created about yourself. Most likely it is a part of you that has been wounded in the past. Most likely it is a part of you that is so afraid to shine your light so fully bright because you might not recognize yourself anymore if you do. Most likely, it is one of your saboteurs. Usually our saboteurs arise when we are growing in some way. Or when we are about to really go for it or make a bold, exciting decision in our lives. It is because we have pushed ourselves outside our usual box of comfort and are gaining the confidence to live more fully or accomplish our goals that the saboteur will raise it’s hand and try to convince us otherwise. While this is very natural, it is something we must practice overcoming on our journey of self-growth and healing. We address saboteurs with both my Holistic Health and Co-Active Life Coaching clients because whether you are becoming healthy or growing yourself in some way, it is fair to expect your saboteurs to arise. Contact me to learn more about this. A Helpful Trick - The Comparison “Redo” A quick shift in perspective can help keep a saboteur at bay and remind you how much you have to be proud of. When you catch yourself comparing yourself to someone and coming up short, take a moment and find a different comparison with that person that will have you love some aspect about yourself. For example, if you see a woman who is thinner on the street and your recent efforts at weight loss suddenly feel deflated, do a Comparison “Redo”. Fill in this sentence with a positive quality about yourself: Compared to her, I am __________ or I have ___________. I.e., compared to her, I have luscious, curly hair or a powerful voice. This exercise is not to create judgment around another person or to feel better about ourselves by putting others down. This is simply to be used to remind yourself of your worth in that moment and to stop yourself from criticizing yourself. The goal is simply to find qualities about yourself that are worth acknowledging. You can also practice finding evidence of how the quality that you admire in another also exists in you. For example, if you compare yourself to someone who is more successful than you, pause and remind yourself all the ways that you are successful as well. Bottom Line:We have the power to choose which consciousness we reside in. One of false belief or one of the deeper truth about who we really are and what is possible in our lives. I invite you to start noticing how often you compare yourself to others in a way that reinforces your own limiting beliefs about yourself and instead practice choosing to love and acknowledge yourself. You’re worth it! Shine on, Rony
"Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice and most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition; they somehow already know what you truly want to become.”
- Steve Jobs
With the untimely passing of a great legend, this video came my way today and I am inspired to share it with you. Growing up in the Bay Area, coming from a high-tech family and working in a creative field for many years, Steve Jobs has long served as a familiar image of innovation, creativity and possibility to me. However watching this speech today with the ears of a coach for the first time, I heard some poignant reminders about the power of surrender, living in alignment with one's truth and the perspective that compromised health can bring. This video touches on some imperative fundamentals to living a healthy, happy life that we often take for granted or bypass when we get caught up in the day-to-day grind. My key take-a-ways are below. I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments about it too!
* We live life FORWARD and understand it BACKWARDSEven if you do not yet see the fruits of your labor, trust that the choices you make from a place of heart and curiosity will lead you to fulfillment and success. How can you trust the process of life more today? What if you took a risk that you long to take and just trusted that the safety net would arrive after you jumped?
* Do what you LOVE
What if every choice we made was based upon the things that truly lit us up? Who would you spend time with? What would you put your energy towards? What ideas would come to life?
* Follow your HEART and INTUITION; LIVE EACH DAY like it was your last
More often than not, we already have the answers inside of us. Sometimes we are too scared to listen because it might rock the boat or create change for us or the people around us. Our heart and intuition whisper reminders of our greatness to us and encourage us to rise up and meet our full potential.
I hope you found this video as inspirational as I did.
Shine on,
Rony
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